Shabbos Shuvah 5784: How to Do Teshuvah, Little by Little
Shabbos Shuvah 5784: How to Do Teshuvah, Little by Little
Have you ever felt intimidated by teshuvah? Have you felt pressured to radically change yourself? Hoshea (according to Ibn Ezra) has some advice: SLOW DOWN! How? One answer can be found in a poem.
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Shabbos Shuvah 5784: How to Do Teshuvah, Little by Little
Pesikta Rabbasi 44 states: “All the prophets called upon Israel to teshuvah … but they didn’t teach Israel what to say, but Hoshea said, ‘Do teshuvah’ and taught them how to attain [Divine] appeasement.” Apparently, there are fundamental practical ideas in Hoshea’s exhortation to do teshuvah. Perhaps this is why we read his words as the Haftarah of Shabbos Shuvah (the Shabbos between Rosh ha’Shanah and Yom ha’Kippurim).
The Haftarah opens with: “Shuvah, Yisrael, ad Hashem, Elokeicha, ki kashalta ba’avonecha” (Hoshea 14:2), which is typically translated as: “Return, O Israel, to Hashem, your God, for you have stumbled in your iniquity.” But the word “ad” here is … odd. The natural wording would be: “Shuvah, Yisrael, el Hashem.” What does “ad” imply?
Ibn Ezra offers a concise answer by inserting a single word: “Shuvah me’at ad Hashem,” which means: “Return a little bit to Hashem.” Other editions of Ibn Ezra read: “Shuvah me’at me’at ad Hashem,” which means: “Return little by little to Hashem.” What does Ibn Ezra mean, and where does he get this from in the pasuk?
R’ Yonah Filwarg (Bnei Reshef on Hoshea 14:2) understands the phrase “Shuvah, Yisrael, ad Hashem” as explained by Ibn Erza to mean “return all the way to Hashem.” In other words, “el Hashem” would merely mean “to Hashem” whereas “ad Hashem” implies a great distance. Based on this, he explains Ibn Ezra’s commentary as follows:
little by little – [Hoshea] should have said: "el Hashem," but because [Israel] had distanced itself exceedingly from Hashem and it is impossible to return immediately, all at once, therefore he said: "ad Hashem" meaning to say "little by little, until you have brought yourself close to Hashem.”
A small gap can be bridged in a single bound, but a large gulf cannot. When the distance between us and Hashem is too vast, the only way to get there is little by little, as a contemporary prophet said: “For it is command by command, command by command, line by line, line by line, a bit here and a bit there” (Yeshayahu 28:13).
This is nice in theory, but the practical question is: How? What does this type of teshuvah look like? My answer this year came from an unexpected source: a poem. I first encountered this as an adorable Headspace video about the benefits of meditation, which you can watch here. I believe I heard another rendition from Tara Brach. But here is the version which sparked this teshuvah insight, as printed at the end of Tim Ferriss’s Tribe of Mentors:
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
by Portia Nelson
Chapter One
I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit ... but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter Five
I walk down another street.
Just as there is (or can be) a lot of pressure during the Aseres Ymei Teshuvah to do total teshuvah on all of our transgressions, faults, and failings, so too, there is a lot of pressure to do instantaneous teshuvah. We mistakenly think that we’re expected to jump from Chapter 1 all the way to Chapter 5. But that’s not how teshuvah works. As the Bnei Reshef said, “it is impossible to return immediately, all at once.”
I’d like to suggest a new paradigm of teshuvah, based on the Ibn Ezra’s interpretation of the haftarah and Portia Nelson’s poem: the goal of teshuvah is simply to advance to the next chapter. Let’s talk this out.
If you find yourself repeatedly falling into a hole without seeing it (Chapter 1), don’t attempt to walk down another street (Chapter 5), or avoid the hole (Chapter 4), or climb out immediately (Chapter 3). Instead, focus on getting to the point where you see the hole but pretend you don’t see it (Chapter 2). Even if you still beat yourself up for falling in while simultaneously denying culpability, and even if it takes you a long time to get out, you’ve still made progress. Being in denial about your transgression is a higher level than being totally oblivious to it.
Then, once you’re firmly in denial, focus on getting to the next chapter: walking down the same street, seeing the hole, acknowledging that you see the hole but not changing direction. Fall in with your eyes wide open. Take note of your surroundings. Take ownership of your misstep. Then get out.
After you’ve solidly established yourself in this level of self-awareness and honesty, then it’s time to start figuring out how to avoid the hole, and eventually choosing a different street.
This teshuvah paradigm is far more realistic and effective than the type of slapdash teshuvah people scramble to do last-minute every year, which never works and never lasts. If you can advance one chapter on one transgression this year, then you have been involved in teshuvah. And if you keep it up, you’ll get there. Little by little.
What do you think the Ibn Ezra means? What do you think about this paradigm of teshuvah? Let me know in the comments!
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